Witch. Spiritual Goddess. Gypsy. These are just some of the words and names that I toss around for myself.
But quietly. Never out loud in polite company. Sometimes I’ll tweet/post/hashtag it, but I know that those aren’t going around where people can see it. You know, friends and co-workers. Aka never on Facebook.
A couple years ago I decided to make the conscious effort to wake my inner witch. I’ve always been into it.
I was in high school the first time I dabbled with craft. I found myself in the occult section of the library to find some books on astrology and I found some spell books. Dreams, astrology -those were my jam. I didn’t do anything special, and I honestly don’t know if anything that I tried actually worked, but it was a start.
By the time college rolled around, I had unconsciously left it behind. I still religiously checked my horoscope daily (at the end of the day) but I was distracted by the new world of alcohol, boys, and living on my own. A great period of growing up for me, but I was already a bit of an outcast thinker. I don’t think identifying as a witch would have gone over well at the school I was at.
Fast forward a few years. My social circle changed. I changed. I came to the realisation that life is way to short to put up with things that don’t make me happy. Yes, it might make others unhappy but then they weren’t really supporting you. I cut a lot out of my life and it took me a bit, but I started actively looking for people I wanted to be in my life whose goals lines up with mine.
I’ve luckily met a couple girls who I can be completely open with about my spirituality.
Yes, I think of them as my unofficial coven. My support for when I want to practise my tarot reading skills or just talk shop.
But part of me has never truly engaged or immersed my whole being with it. I always have something else that takes priority. And why? Partly because I second guess myself. I don’t trust my own self. Comparison is the thief of joy, and I find myself comparing and wondering if I have the right to call myself one when it’s not hereditary; I don’t have visions. But there’s something in me that resonates with it. The other part is that I know that there is something that runs in my family and I’m terrified that it skipped me. That I’m not as intuitive as my mother and grandmother. But I realise that it’s counterproductive to not do something out of fear. I also know that by not doing anything is also not letting me grow any skill either.
So, now that I’m on maternity and not working, I am aiming to carve time out to become more in tune with my spiritual side.
Get back to doing daily card pulls. Taking time to be with my own thoughts and meditate. Get back into yoga and breathe. Get out in nature and reconnect.
It won’t be the easiest thing to do while on baby schedule, but it’s something I can do with him. He can be outside with me and we can just chill. Besides, there’s nothing more magical than knowing I just brought life into this world!
I’ve been wanting and thinking about this post for months, but unable to write it. I couldn’t wrap my thoughts coherently enough to get it down on paper; to put it into words. I finally was able to get it out when I stepped out of the city, turned off social media, and wrote. Gotta say, it felt amazing. I mainly wrote this while breastfeeding in the backroom (there were lots of people up at the cottage), looking out at the trees and listening to them in the wind.
I’m posting about this too, so that it gives me some accountability for my daily practise. I think the hardest part is creating a new routine.
So, join me on my journey, and I’ll keep you posted on how it goes!