This has been a little bit of a rough patch for Andrew and I. Nothing extremely serious, but just a couple little fuck-ups that had us clashing heads and me in tears for a good part of this week and last. Obviously not every day in a relationship is perfect, but sometimes I like to pretend that it is. Other times, it’s a little harder to ignore.
This fuck-up I completely take the blame for. I admit that. I forgot something important. Neither of us were prepared for the repercussions of my thoughtlessness. We both were super upset, but for different reasons. It led to some discussions and I was furiously writing down everything I felt.
Last night we finally talked about it. I cried a little, but it was good, cleansing. I was able to bring up everything that I felt, even if it felt awkward because neither of us were angry or upset anymore. I feel like we’ve just gotten to another point in our relationship, where things are getting closer and we’re just trying to adjust to it.
In yoga last night, the teacher quoted some lines out of a book, and it kind of stuck with me. It was pretty much saying that life throws things in your way to make you rise to the occasion, and make you a better person. I related that to my life and how I was reacting with Andrew and that totally took the fight out of me. She was saying that we have to accept and take responsibility for our lives and our choices. That every time we put the blame on someone else, and don’t own up to our own mistakes, we lose out on a divine chance and a chance to change into something better. And I was. I had made the unconcious decision at the time, and forgot an important event. And I was blaming him, as well as myself, but I took all responsibility, and we hashed it out and I have this amazing sense of ease. Sure, I’m still stressing about other things, but right now my body is in too much pain to really think about anything else!
