Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing. I do that often, every once in awhile, especially when life events happen and I start feeling left out. Alright, mainly engagements/weddings. A lot of my friends are getting married, and yes it’s the age that we’re at, but I’m definitely feeling left out.
I was giving it some thought though, and I’m not sure why I’m so fussy on the “getting married” bandwagon. I don’t come from a family where marriage is a huge deal, my cousin is getting married in a private ceremony this month, and my other cousin got married in Korea. Honestly, a few years ago I wasn’t even into the idea of marriage. What happened to me? I’m not even sure, to be honest. Perhaps the pressure of “keeping up with the Jones'” is getting to me. Perhaps I’m not as secure in my relationship as I think I am, and just need the commitment that engagement and marriage bring – although I will be the first to admit that I’m not a big fan of “unknowns” and like to have a mapped out life plan.
And it’s not just in that aspect. I admit, I have days where I look at my life and I can’t believe that this is where I am. It’s totally not the life that I had expected or planned. Not that I’m complaining, by any means. I love the life that I have and the work that I do. It’s just… unexpected. And of course there are still days where I think “What the hell am I doing with my life?”, but I suspect that for the most part that will never go away. And if it does, that means that I’ve stopped creating goals for myself.
