The Best Motherhood Books That Made Me Think Differently
Sometimes, I look at my life & it feels surreal. How can I be old enough to be a mom? How am I someone’s parent? If you told my 16-year-old self that I’d be a stay-at-home mom and thriving in the role, she would die of shock.
Becoming a Mom Was Never the Plan
A stay-at-home mom? Never. It was never even a thought I entertained. I barely wanted kids in my 20s. But I met Andrew, and it clicked — that’s the life I wanted. And as the daughter of a stay-at-home mom (and Andrew too), I knew I wanted my kids to have that lifestyle while they grew up. I mean, ideally, I’d love to homeschool, but I’m worried about how that would look in our daily life and how I could make it work for me and them.
The Shift That Changed Everything
But! Until I make that jump, that’s a convo for another day. After I had Eli, I got an email about a book, “Wild Mothering,” which was a little too late for some of the “baby” items but aligned with where I was spiritually at the time. There are lots of things I would do differently if I could go back, but I can only go forward. Do the best I can with the information I have at the time. “Wild Mothering” hit all those at the time of awakening.
“Though pregnancy and birth bring us back to the center of our bodies, the children we mother continue to call us back to the center of our lives. If we heed this call, back to the center, we not only have more energy upon which to make our mothering, but we also contact this beautiful and wild part of our feminine nature.” – Tami Lynn Kent
The Motherhood Books That Met Me Where I Was
One I just finished early last year is ‘You Are A Badass Mom‘ by Steffani Lefevour. This one follows the same vibes as Mel Robbins’, “The Let Them Theory” but is more geared toward moms. I enjoyed her writing style; it was easy to read and not wordy. She touched on great points, interspersed with relatable personal stories & anecdotes.
She leans heavily into gratitude, which I fully relate to. One of the practices that I do with the boys is what I call “Cuddle Chats”. Even if they don’t tell me whole rambling stories about their days, they need to tell me one good thing, one bad/sad thing (if there isn’t one, that’s a good day!), and one thankful thing. I use “thankful” instead of “grateful” because when I started this, they didn’t understand what “grateful” meant.
“Really grasping the knowledge that I am not my thoughts, that my painful thoughts are just a lie, has completely shifted the trajectory of my life.” – p. 100, Steffani Lefevour
What These Books Taught Me About Parenting
As your kids grow and age, the challenges change. They grow with their age, and sometimes it feels like you finally figure it out, only for the playing field to shift. Around the time when Kaiden was getting involved in more structured sports (and getting serious about sportsmanship), the book “Your Child’s Greatness” came into my life. It seemed fitting! Trying to raise your child not to have impostor syndrome, when all parenting sometimes feels like “is “fake it til”fake it till you make it”. This was the first step into a deep dive into self-regulation, self-worth, and self-esteem.
I liked this one as it touched on family dynamics, performance anxiety, and perfectionism. The authors generally did books and talks regarding adults facing these issues, but this is their first touching on how adults can guide their children through those same issues.
“Parents can also be role models for self-awareness, growth, and improvement. When you openly acknowledge your mistakes, take responsibility, and show a commitment to personal growth, you teach your children the value of self-improvement and resilience.” – p.26, Drs. Lisa and Richard Orbe-Austin
Regulation Over Perfection
Self-regulation is a major thing for me. I want my kids to be self-aware and regulated! And it’s definitely a learned skill. Kaiden is excited to work through this workbook along with me (and Eli, but he can’t do it alone). “The Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids” is a great addition to my shelf. I enjoy the prompts, and emotional regulation and intelligence are so important and hard to teach. I’m also trying to break those generational traumas — don’t want to pass those on any longer than we should.
We deal with big emotions, and I’m trying to make sure I support them the way they need, while also letting them know that challenges happen and aren’t always setbacks or quitting points. Big things for a 7- and 9-year-old! But important set-ups for the rest of their lives.
The Kind of Mother I’m Becoming
I like to think that I have a good balance of mindful (or conscious) parenting, boundaries, and creating a safe space to be themselves. Kids who thrive, not just survive, and I want the same thing. I want to thrive as a parent, not survive. It’s not a battle against my kids. It’s a partnership, it’s a unit of us against the world.
I want to be the best role model for my kids, and sometimes that means taking a step back and evaluating where I’m putting my time. Obviously, my time goes to my kids. But I’ve always felt that being a mom didn’t mean I couldn’t still be Jasmine. Jasmine rides horses, reads books, and hangs out with her friends. Mom handles all the housework, the mental load, the big emotions, and regulates the entire household. I realized that I couldn’t be Mom without Jasmine. It isn’t selfish to reclaim parts of who you were before you had kids to maintain a healthy balance.
I always thought, “If I want MY kids to realize that balance is healthy, then I have to model it in real life.”
Why I’ll Always Keep Learning as a Mom
Learning in life is never-ending. There’s always something to learn more about, learn from, and change your perspective on.
As life changes, I can already say that while I do suggest these books, they no longer resonate with where I’m at in my life currently. They worked for me three years ago, but I know that I’ve changed an incredible amount over the last year, let alone the last three.
Crazy how life can be, right?
Motherhood Books I’d Suggest
Honestly, I read a lot of books, so this list will probably be constantly changing, and I might incorporate this into parts eventually (if I can keep it up!).
The Resilience Plan
Embracing Ambition
Wild Mothering
Master Your Mind & Energy to Heal Your Body
It Begins With You
Unburdening Motherhood
What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up?
A Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation
Probably the worst thing one can do is stop learning and stop being curious. As a parent, and as a person. Keep reaching for new heights!
J x