Dabbling with Microdosing for the First Time

Have you tried microdosing?

Fun fact about me: I never partake in drugs. The one time I tried weed brownies, I was in Amsterdam with Andrew. It started out great. We were laughing, having a good time, and then the claustrophobia started to set in. And then the anxiety. So we went outside of the cafe to get some air and it was a Saturday night and the streets were packed. And of course, there were bachelor and bachelorette parties in full effect. One party were dressed fully as Smurfettes, and there was one who was a little person and it sent me into a spiral. I thought I was hallucinating and that sent me into the bad portion of the trip. I started crying, and panicking. Andrew was great, he tried to calm me down, and got me water. I couldn’t make my body do what I wanted it to do, and so he hustled me to our AirBnB where I proceeded to hurl my guts out, crying, and saying “You choose to do this to yourself???” hysterically until I passed out. I woke up perfectly fine in the morning, thank goodness. It’s one for the books, that’s for sure.

The stand-out moment for me was the disconnection of my body and mind. I could rationally know I should be able to move my hand, but my brain was not talking to my hand and I couldn’t do it. Talk about terrifying! I didn’t realize I had such a need for control until I lost it. Needless to say, while I might have smoked a bit later, I never let myself lose that control again.

Fast forward a decade, and something interesting that’s been popping up on my radar is microdosing. 

Now my controlled Capricorn self won’t let me lose myself again. I have a healthy (or unhealthy) fear of that (I might have to delve into that a little bit more…) So while I want to try, it won’t be without research. I reached out to a friend who I know does this and picked her brain. When you start asking, the Universe will provide. Into my inbox, an email from Pacific & Court with books about psilocybin, psychedelics and microdosing. Universe, I hear you! They sent me a copy of The Psilocybin Handbook for Women (hello Universe at work), and I read this cover to cover. Although I did jump to the questions that were most pressing for me. I loved how this was:

a) Geared towards women
b) Easy to read in chapters that were broken down
c) Included personal stories

It was a great introduction to the who, what, how’s, and why’s of the microdosing world. The book talked about safety, how long it lasts, what to somewhat expect, how and why women are choosing to use mushrooms, and a whole bunch more. If there’s anything to take away from it, is that psilocybin can help reframe your mind connections.

Now, I haven’t done a full trip – that I’ll need help with and probably no kids around, but I have tried one microdose.

It took me awhile to find the perfect day – my perfectionism and need for control showing there! but I did it. It’s the main reason it’s taken me so long to write this post, I wanted to do a dose before posting. But I kept procrastinating and making up reasons why I couldn’t.

Andrew had the boys all day, they went to the waterpark so they were gone for a full 12 hours, plenty of time to get stuff done as well as let the full effect come and go. I cleaned before, since I wasn’t sure how it would affect me or my motivation, ate lunch, and then popped the dose.

I could feel it slowly take effect. I didn’t lose any control, but I felt the urge to sit outside in the grass. While I could have ignored it, I didn’t want to. I went out with Bailey and we sat in the grass; I pet her for about 20 minutes, just enjoying the sun on my body, the feel of her fur, and the sound of the birds in the trees. She got bored (or hot) and went under the deck and I fell asleep in the grass. It was so peaceful. I woke up about 30 minutes later and still wasn’t ready to do housework so I read inside for about an hour, until I felt more of my motivation come back. So I began slowly starting to clean and prepping for the boys return.

It was a perfect day and microdose. I journaled a bit later on to remember what I felt and what it was like to compare to another day.

I was also sent The Beginner’s Guide to Ego Death, which I haven’t fully finished yet. I’m also not planning on doing a deeper trip yet. I’m worried about what a fuller trip might bring up right now and would love to do a retreat for that with more guided help.

I’m more interested in seeing how microdosing will change my mindset, see if it connects me more to the present moment, and feel more in my body.

Is this something that you’ve done or are interested in? I’ve created a little microdosing journal sheet if you’re interested, download it here!

Now that I know that I don’t have any adverse reactions to the dosage, I’m going to do the 4 days dose, 3 days off and see how that affects me!

Let me know if this is something that vibes with you, I’m always happy to talk about my journey and hear about yours!

J x

Thank you to Pacific and Court for the books to review. All opinions are my own.